THE FOLLOWING IS A FANTASY THAT NEVER MATERIALIZED…
One day the spin-doctors were late and George W fell off the wagon. (Some guys when drunk are twice the men they are sober.) He called an impromptu news conference…
"Okay, I've had enough, my own Republican cronies are recommending a $100 tax rebate to help with rising gasoline prices…hell, that would only pay for a couple of fill-ups! Hiccup! Tell them to stick their $100 bribes up their butts! People are mad as hell and I am their president, by golly!"
"Hardworking Americans can't afford to drive to work! Food prices are soaring and truckers can't make a living! Hiccup! But Exxon made 8 billion dollars in profits last quarter and their other oily buddies did about the same!"
"I am sorry, with windfall profits like that, it sure makes it hard to think the problem is just the lack of refineries or because fanatics in Iran got the bomb! Burp! No, I do not buuuy it, not one bit."
"Listen, you greedy no-account oil tycoons, you have been laughing all the way to the bank, but I am going to wipe those smiles off your faces."
"If prices are not back to something reasonable by tomorrow, I am going to take action, and this is no empty political jargon either. I know you put money into my campaign, but you runny-nosed rogues gave to the other guy too, hedging your bets. Burp! Turn against me if you want, I am going to do what is right."
"What am I going to do? Hiccup! You keep saying there is nothing I can do, well I will show you! How about an enforced gas-price freezer, I mean freeze? What, you would then insure a shortage and put the blame on me? Let me tell you, just twy, I mean try and I will nationalize you sons of biscuit eaters! Yes, you heard me right, I will do the unthinkable before letting you take this country and its economy hostage!"
"I will put a freeze on your profits too, and make that the biggest gosh darn rebate program the world has ever seen."
"Don't worry, Hiccup, I am not going to forget your Arab friends either. First, we will make Iraq pay us back for all we have done to make them free. They've got oil, and now we are going to give them a bill from good ol' Uncle Sam!"
"Oh, what about your friends in the House and the Senate? Burp! Do you think they can stop me? If any of that mother fuddrucker's crowd is going place the ill-gotten gain of gas barons over the American people, I'll plaster their names on billboards and newspapers across the country. Come November, and I don't care if they are a baby-killing Democrat or a spineless Republican, we will see them voted out of office!"
"Now, let me see, I think 50 cents is a good price for gas, premium I mean, and while you're at it, make it full service!"
The elections saw the largest turnout in U.S. history, and despite legal impediments to a third term, George W was the first "write-in" candidate to get a majority of the vote over both major parties.