We here on Pluto are pretty upset. The word just got to us that our world has been stripped of its planet status by “know-it-all” scientists. We are all taking the news pretty badly. It would be like saying that Hawaii is not a proper state, or Guam, um…oh, yeah, that is only a territory. Well, you know what I mean!
It is shabby treatment, that’s what we think. Some of us suspect that it represents growing anti-American sentiment. After all, Pluto was the only planet discovered by an American!
Now that we are kicked out of the planet club, I guess we are relegated to the dog house of the solar system. Many thanks to Disney for the cute cartoon character, but I suppose you will have to rename him Uranus. Neptune was taken by a Little Mermaid character. We were curious about those holes in the Disney press-release picture; what are they? Impact craters, sites for hidden bones or is the doggie burying self-righteous astronomers?
We were hoping that our moon, Charon would also be classified a planet. Then we could claim to be a dual-planetary system, but alas, all hope is gone.
So what are we, a planetoid, an asteroid, a hemorrhoid? Pleeeeeeease!
Since it takes 248 earth years for us to circle the sun, we did not even get a decent Plutonian year with the planet status. That just shows how fickle you earth people can be. We are easy to pick on, poor little Pluto, not even half the diameter of earth. Maybe we should classify the earth as a non-planet? Yeah, that is what we shall do, and by a standard just as arbitrary as that inflicted upon us. Let’s see, all celestial bodies with bi-pedal knuckle-heads will forfeit planet status, yes that seems reasonable! Really, compared to the gas giants, you’re nothing! And how about that, Saturn and Jupiter do not even have a solid core, at least I do not think so, our last expedition there got squashed, and yet they stay planets– just old fat bags of gas! That is not fair! It gets cold here, but you can find solid ground to stand upon, jump a mile if it is your fancy, and boy, do we have a view to enjoy! We are the ultimate get-away vacation spot, but do any of you ever pay a visit? Nope! (The only exception was this guy 2,000 earth years ago followed by his mother. However, they were in a rush to get to a place called heaven, and could not even stop for tea and biscuits.)
Between 2.8 billion and 4.6 billion miles from the sun, nature has been cruel enough to us, but this is the final indignity. Our planet status has been removed just because our orbit is not really round! What was planned as a celebration tonight will be a wake. All Plutonians are invited to the Clyde W. Tombaugh ballroom this evening, okay it is always evening, to get drunk. Our president, Percival Lowell XXIV will attend and he is pledging an appeal. Although it might have to wait until next year, a Plutonian year that is.
Tell NASA that its New Horizons spacecraft is not welcome now to pay a visit. We hope our mythical name-sake, the Lord of the Dead, will soon pay a visit to those busy-body astronomers who met in the Czech Republic!
Signing off, it will be a cold, oops, I mean a hot day on Pluto before you hear from us again!
http://www.clipartheaven.com/ (Alien Clip Art)