You made a list of sins committed throughout your entire life? For heaven’s sake, destroy it before it accidentally falls into the wrong hands! I have mixed feelings about such a practice. I even have reservations about the practice of making an general examination of one’s life for confession. It can show us the forces at work and the “slippery slope” of sin, but it might also lead us into berating ourselves for sins long-since forgiven by God. If God casts our sins behind his back after a good confession and act of contrition, then I think we should do all we can to forget them, too. Trust God’s mercy. This is also a corrective in regard to not tolerating “any speck of sin in myself or my children . . . I truly want them to be horrified by sin and its results.” Okay, but realize right now that you are probably going to be disappointed. You cannot live their lives for them. You know this. They will probably make some mistakes. What is more, and you will not like this, you will have to give them the liberty to do so. God willing, they will make the right choices. Yes, let them know clearly what is right and wrong; but, also let them know that God’s forgiveness is an inexhaustible gift. Always let them count the love of God as a higher premium than fear.
You ask the question, “How do we hate the sin but love the sinner?” The analogy with which you follow is worrisome to me, “I love him, but hate his nose.” What is my answer? I will be blunt, NO! When I said that “we are our sins,” it meant precisely that we are sinners, that there is something in us disoriented, selfish, and in rebellion against truth and the good. It was not to mean that actions fail to have meaning in their own right— they do— it is only that “persons” and not “actions” are ultimately judged and destined for eternal life or damnation. Further, I would not want to succumb to the Lutheran view that human nature is inherently corrupted, wretched, or evil. What God creates is GOOD. We can find various sinful actions repugnant, and like the Lord, love those who commit such wrongs. Our faith and natural law itself tells us that homosexual acts are perverse and seriously wrong; that abortion is murder; that pornography is dehumanizing; that dealing in illegal drugs is destroying our kids; that race hatred and prejudice fractures the family of man; that missing Sunday Mass is a dire affront to immortal God; etc. Nevertheless, we can love all such sinners, not in the crude kind of love that is so often paraded in our society, but Christian love— desiring the best for others— healing, forgiveness, a place in heaven. It has very little do with “liking” the individual sinner in each and every case. You might not “like” someone’s nose, but that has nothing to do with loving them at all. Of course, even in romantic love, the bent nose, the mixed colored eyes, the occasional stutter, the errant mole, might all come to be viewed as lovely— because they are part of the whole package, so to speak. This is quite unlike sin. We can never “properly” come to love the sin. Any analogy using the human body has to take into consideration that those elements which constitute the human person are to be considered incommensurate regarding divine love. God does not love us and hate our noses or our toes or anything else— his love embraces all that we are; our love is to be one with his. Sin, on the other hand, is not a constituent component of our identity. It is alien and disrupts the soul as a disease maligns the body.
Some people argue that if one hates the sin, then one must hate the sinner. Such a view is tragic and runs counter to the parable words of Jesus’ kingdom, that we are to have the mind of Christ, and not to think as the world thinks. Such people must end up doing a lot of hating. Eventually it comes full circle and they even hate themselves. They say things like, “I’m no good. I have a hard time believing I’m really forgiven. I’ll try to be good, but it is too hard.” They also usurp the Lord’s singular role as Judge.
Although there is much of sentiment and emotion about it, a mother’s love for her children might come closest to the love of Christ. She loves her children when they are good and when they are bad. She wants them to behave and suffers when they do not. Imagine this scenario. Her son has been using and trafficking in drugs. Her daughter is pregnant, again, after having two previous abortions. Does she hate them? If she is of the world, yes. If she is of the spirit, no. She suffers. She knows the meaning of the cross, and the greatest lover of all.
Heavy stuff. It has been a long day, I may be becoming delirious. Time for some classical religious music. You should try it. It soothes the soul.
Peace and blessings,
Fr. Joe Jenkins
